Thursday, May 02, 2013
A ramble today?
I am writing not for pity but just to make sense of my thoughts and remember my heart in these days. This week is hard. Ok, the past few weeks have been hard.
To find that I had strep for likely at least the second and possibly third time since Christmas has been discouraging. You know how it is when mama is sick, it is so easy to get behind and out of our routine in the home and sickness can send this spiral out of control. I've definitely felt behind and it is starting to be an ok place to be as I learn to prioritize what needs to be done vs. what I would like to get done. I don't want to camp here forever though and it is challenging to stay positive in this place. Somehow, the clutter is still here and I've survived.
My parents are usually here this first week of May as we anticipate the girls annual ballet recital. They aren't here this week due to some treatment my Dad is undergoing right now. And, I miss them. A lot. This will be our sixth year doing recital and the first one without my Mom here. I've had a hard time thinking ahead to doing dress rehearsal, fixing their hair in buns and running to get pizza quickly in between other things plus trying to hide their flowers in our shower - as I want to be doing all of those things with my Mom.
I am so thankful that my parents are doing what is right and best and I know that I am not the only one wishing things were different right now. So, here are some things to be thankful for in the disappointment ~ we will see them soon as we head west, my sweet friend Grace is coming for the weekend, David is figuring out a live video feed so that technology can bless us and that recital can be seen from many miles away as it is going on. Yes, there is gratitude in these moments!
We have had the long-dreaded conversation with our children that Pepaw is sick. They have been champs in taking it in and praying for him with sweet unprompted words. They have asked their real and hard questions but not dwelt on them. They cannot wait to see him soon! And, Grammie too!
So, as I ponder all of this and look at that Lite-Brite photo above - I see a connection. God is in it all, I don't see the pattern initially or maybe even ever this side of Heaven, but He is taking all those little colored pegs, those moments of life lived little bits at a time and putting them in His perfect order and then shining His light in and through all for His glory.
This isn't all of what is in my heart and mind right now - but enough for this moment. I find that even in all of this, it helps to see how I can serve others and not think only of myself. Grateful for opportunities that have come and for the journey of learning that we are continually on.