Monday, May 16, 2011

Mother Dreams

Note: I wrote this post intending it for Mother's Day - but I had a strong feeling that I was supposed to submit for (in)courage. Their process takes a while and I didn't hear back until last Friday and since it is too late for Mother's Day - they are not going to post it. I just trusted that God would orchestrate the timing - so I trust that even though it is past Mother's Day - His message spoken to my heart would bless even late for Mother's Day.

I am so excited when I see a mother Cardinal gathering twigs and leaves. She carries them to and fro into our front rose bush and I admire her love of beauty and protection to choose such a place. A bush near our door which will be difficult for her - since we are noisy and a young crowd and come and go. But, such a beautiful place!

We are alike - she and I. Nesting is one of our instincts - though carried out in different ways, we are both looking to create a warm safe place for our babies. We are also alike in loving beauty. Whether she is as conscious of it as I am, she chose a place that is so pretty - pink roses bursting forth into bloom all around her new little nest. She's also chosen a place with thorns - which will be painful for her as she comes and goes - or at the very least will require great caution. But, she's hopeful that those thorns will help protect her from harm.

Today, I rejoice in the homes God is creating - new families that are beginning. Thankful for my Mom and for the privilege of being a mom.

One day, I see her firmly seated there in her nest - which perfectly circles her wings. Oh, I am hopeful that I will see eggs and baby birds soon! After we come and go one busy day - she flutters away and chirps noisily at us. But, her absence is just long enough for me to snap a picture of her precious dreams.

Dreams that are delicately sitting in her sweet nest.

You and I are like this little creation of God's in another way - we have precious dreams that are sitting in the delicate places of our hearts. We make them comfortable and cozy in our own ways so they will be at home with us and be part of us. We want to protect them in every way possible. When a time comes that these dreams move outside of us into the beginning of a reality we guard them very gently and even as the Cardinal hides her eggs with her wings, we are sort of guardedly hiding our dreams.

Today, I am thankful for those who long to be mothers. Rejoicing with those who have children in their homes and children on their way to join their families.

The next morning, I go outside and am instantly struggling. I see the nest - it is toppled over as if something has knocked it topsy turvy. Mrs. Cardinal is no where to be seen and all I can see of her eggs are a broken piece of egg shell or two.

Inside I want to scream - "NO!" How could this happen? While I was asleep - what happened in our front rose bush? The thorns did not deter?

I am heart broken in my own way over the loss of life that has been lived out right in front of my eyes, in my front yard. I want to be angry at the bird or cat or unknown force that came and snatched those eggs from that sweet Mama.

Keeping the information to myself, I walk right on past so as not to alert my children just yet while I am so raw about what I've seen. I feel sick. I want to do something to change it back, to make things right again.

Birds, I know, do not feel things the same way I do. But, how can I help but wonder what this Mama is doing today? How is she getting through knowing her babies will never be born? Maybe she was a casualty as well?

I cannot get that picture of the toppled nest out of my mind - I go back days later and try to find pieces of egg shell - but there aren't any there anymore. The only remnants of the dreams are the pieces of leaves and twigs and sticks that are now dusted in fallen rose petals.

God speaks gently - there are many who have their dreams of motherhood broken. Today, I am sad with you for the heartache of this broken dream. I'm heart broken in watching the hardness of life that surrounds you.

Oh, there you are - you who long to be a mother. You who have the dream of motherhood tucked gently beneath your wing in a safe place. You who have had the hope of motherhood right out there in the open only to have it snatched away.

You - who have had your dreams of motherhood broken.

I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything just as you dream and hope for. But, I can't. I wish I could make the wrongs right and the why's into praises. Again, I cannot.

God has gently reminded me again and again of this:
Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

He reminds each of us that these birds are His creations and He takes care of them. He will do even more for us. I can believe that He knows just what happened in that nest in my front rose bush. I can believe that He is in control - though I don't like it and don't understand.

And, I can believe for you - that He boldly claims your value to Him. It would be a privilege to come alongside you - to rejoice with those are rejoicing and mourn with those who mourn.

I am instantly reminded of Psalm 84:3, "Even the sparrow has fond a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young -- a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God."

A nest near His altar - may we feather that nest with words of praise and supplication today for our sisters and fellow mothers. Would you consider leaving a comment today that will be prayed over and gently lifted to the very throne room of Heaven on your behalf?

11 comments:

Wendi said...

Beautiful Monica! As I was reading I keep thinking of Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD ~ Sometimes it is hard to understand how the good, the bad and the ugly things in life all work together as part of His plan for our lives.

*carrie* said...

Monica,

What a poignant post. You may recall that a similar situation happened to a nest on our porch a couple years ago. So sad!

Some of what you said makes me think of a book that was recommended to me by Beth Moore, as she reflects on motherhood. The title is Feathers from My Nest.

Love you!

angie said...

I too found a nest with eggs on Friday. Mama Bird was none too happy that I was weeding nearby.
I appreciate the parallels you made between not understanding God's plan in the overturned nest and our shattered dreams. It reminds me to say--I do not understand but I trust you, dear Lord.

Mom said...

Very sensitive post, Monica. There is someone very close to me who desparately wanted to be a mom and will grieve the rest of her life that she will not be. I pray for God's comfort and peace for her. I love you very much and am thankful to be your mom (and Carrie's!) ~ Love, Mom

Jenny's Heart said...

Monica you touched my heart....again.
I had my dreams of motherhood taken from me as I am barren. Oh we tried for years went through fertility, tried to adopt..nothing worked. I cried for years now I know God had a plan all along and even though it's something I wanted more than anything, it was not meant to be for me. My heart will always be just a little bit broken. I can relate to that little mama bird. Thank you for a beautiful post.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Monica.

I ditto what your mom said.
It breaks my heart too, but we must accept God's plan for us. As Wendi said, He has told us that He knows the plans He has for us.

I'm so grateful to be your mom's mom, and yours & Carrie's Grandmom!

Bless you for your sensitive heart and deep insights.

Love you, Grandma

heicoc said...

Monica I have the opposite situation...I have four children and my last pregnancy was very very difficult - I was told to have no more children. Last week I ended up in the hospital with high blood pressure and found out to my surprise I am about five weeks pregnant. This is a total shock and scary for me but I keep telling myself God has a plan he is in control. Thank you for your post.

Mary said...

Thank you for such a beautiful reflection. Please pray for my agnostic sister in law who is trying to conceive and who is doing it in ways opposed to life and God's will. Pray that they will not create little souls only to be intentionally destroyed. Pray that they turn to God with their pain and their desires and that they find their true joy and hope in Him and for complete conversion. Thank you so much.

Robin said...

Monica,
A friend suggested that I read your blog on "Mother Dreams". I am a Mother's who has lost many babies due to miscarriage and an infant son in 2002. The Lord has carried me through and I now have a ministry that ministers to Mom's who have lost. (CrossHeart Ministries) We have support groups once a month and we discuss different topics. i would love to share your blog for one of our meetings. it's beautifully written and I know that the words that you penned can touch the lives that we are touching through CHM. My email is robin.cross@crossheartministries.net. I would love to connect with you. Thanks, Robin

agnes said...

Monica,
this is so sad but you are so true, sometimes we just have to trust God. I am feeling my little one right now and I feel so lucky... thank you for the reflection.

Kelly said...

I received a call last night from a friend. She has a co-worker that just found out the baby she is 5 months pregnant with is missing some vital organs and will not live out of the womb. She was induced today. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking of her. The last night feeling her babe's movements in her womb. All of today, I have been praying for her. My heart aches with her. My friend called me to ask for advice on how to best support her. 3 1/2 years ago I delivered my stillborn son at full term. I've walked the deep valley this young mother is in. She does not know the Lord, but showed interest in attending church a few months ago. It is my prayer that this devastating loss draws her close to our loving father instead if away. I do not know her name. Thank you for lifting her broken heart and empty womb up to the Lord.