Friday, April 01, 2011

A Friday Rambling

When my brain feels like mush and my hands smell like poop (don't ask) and my house is a mess (yes, my counters are a mess again) and my heart is a wreck - how can I put any sensible thoughts together? And, in a similar way - how can I not at least try?

This may not make sense to anyone but me ~ but as Ann Voskamp so lovingly and rightly says: a blog post helps two people. First, the one who writes it and then the one who reads it. Today, if it helps even the one who writes it - I will consider it a success.

Morning began with Jesus Calling today. It has been too many days since I've consistently picked this up and been moved. So many failures, so many opportunities to try again. This jumped out at me while reading:

"You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all."

Oh. my. Yes - that is exactly where I'm at. I read through this and pray to live it out, to look for beauty in my day just as it comes not as I wish it was.


I move through the morning and am thankful for wheat and for the nourishment it will provide my family. For a washer to clean up messes so quickly and easily. For blooms and beauty and canning jars. I love gray days, but the sun is shining for the first time all week today and it is beautiful!

And, then it seems everyone else is against me. Why am I so prone to fall to stress? To give in to frustration? To let that edge creep back into my voice? As this day began so predictably and so faithfully as it does every day - so, I have failed again.

Quiet Time is now upon me and it is really not very quiet. Doesn't anyone else but me understand why Quiet Time is so important? Why don't they understand that slamming the front door and coming to chat and wanting to do chores (only during this time) is not the goal and isn't particularly helpful?

And, my heart is still a wreck and I know I have messed everything up again today. And, I also read this this morning. Now I'm wondering what my dream is - can I even remember? Have I squelched these thoughts so long that I may have buried them?

Ok, moving on from all these things - here is a little more random:

I pre-ordered Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life today. I know it will be so good and when Nester said that pre-ordering a book is like sending yourself a gift in the future, that made me smile! If you can't figure out why this book will be so good - please re-read all of the above and you'll see how this title fits me and my tendencies.

God has given me a new friend and that is a blessing in and of itself. We both love Rita Springer and she gave me a cd mix of music that I am just loving. I've had it on repeat for about three days straight and the words and music are ministering and blessing me. Mmmm, hoping those words will seep in and sink deep. I'm making cinnamon rolls to grace her table tomorrow morning. And, looking forward to chatting over hot drinks and homemade yumminess!

A sweet friend from church gave me a very old and very cool quilt! Ideas are brewing and I'm itching to get started! It is really only good for cutting up as it is falling apart in places - but way too neat to let go of totally!

Sitting in my Peace Retreat for a few moments to write this has indeed lifted my spirits and quieted my heart. Ann just reposted this today - how timely!

Thanks for reading these crazy ramblings, friends - have a great weekend!

21 comments:

Bonnie said...

Well, to quote Anne and Miss Stacy:
"Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
"Well, no mistakes in it yet."

The next hour is always fresh too, taking a minute to sit and regroup, and start again.
And maybe, taking a day or 2 off from school, just to catch-up. I've done it more times than I care to admit, but being able to focus on the tasks at hand, and not add school into the mix is a big help.

You haven't seemed yourself since the blog conference you attended, and I'm wondering if you are under a spiritual attack. (if this seems to touchy a subject for the comments box, I won't be offended if you don't publish my comment). You bless a lot of people, through your blog and in person, and Satan appears to be bent on stealing your joy and peace away. Perhaps something to gather some friends together to pray against? Ask David to pray over you too.
I will be praying for a wonderful fun filled weekend for you, and a renewing of your spirit and vision.
May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may He make his face shine upon you, may He lift up His countenance upon you and give you His peace.

Bevy said...

Thanks for sharing this. I think I'm the reader that it(your post) was meant to minister to.

I have tears in my eyes... because it's the truth; what you've written about you - sounds just like me, today.

I love Chatting at the Sky, too - and her posts always have me in the quandry of heart - hearing the challenge she presents each and every day. I should pre-order that book too. What a nice gift for myself. Thanks for the reminder. :) I'll be praying for you today - as I go now and sew. :)

Katie said...

Praying you have a refreshing weekend, Monica. Ann was right; you can count this post a success ~ it indeed encouraged me today. =)

Jennifer said...

You've inspired me to create a peace retreat! Thanks for some simple reminders that are so important to mommies.....gratitude, friendships, and of course....clean laundry :)
Have a beautiful time with your friend this weekend....enjoying yummy cinnamon rolls and laughter.

Lisa @ Simply Things Family said...

Prayers for your weekend. I too fall prey to beating myself up about my day, especially if I don't rise at the time I wish to. This, of course, throws off my whole day and it should not.
Thanks for sharing and being open!

Melissa said...

I know what a blessing quiet time is for you, and how it refreshes and energizes you. So glad you found a few moments to share your tender heart and find a little peace in the middle of the chaos.

Enjoy your cinnamon rolls and tea time. What a special treat, and to share it with a friend. Even better!

Wishing we could get together for some of the same...

I love you, dear friend!

*carrie* said...

Mo,

Good talking to you today.

Do you read Chatting at the Sky? Didn't know that. I saw a link to her video introducing her book. Will be interested to hear what you think, and maybe even borrow it. I don't think I've ever pre-ordered a book.

love, the cheerful sister--Ha! =)

*carrie* said...

Had to come back and leave you a link to a post I just read. . .

It's not pasting for some reason, so go to steadymom.com and read the top post about a child's memory.

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to your day! :) When I focus on the one who created me, read His word, and pray it is then that I am faced with the realization that this is all part of making me who He wants me to become. In Psalms 34 it says that we will have troubles BUT He is there to help us each and every day. Be encouraged Monica, this is only but a season.

~Your sister in Christ, Melissa of Churubusco, IN

The Happy Gardener said...

Hi Monica! Thanks for being so honest - it reminds me that I'm not alone in my quest for perfection and order and beauty.

Prayers are being sent your way! ♥

no spring chicken said...

Your 'crazy ramblings' echo my own. You are not alone. I find it interesting that the simplicity that we know will bring peace is so often the dream that brings disharmony and discontent. Desiring simplicity can be just as distracting as desiring 'stuff'. I loved your quote... Jesus IS our Sabbath rest, He IS our peace. I will still try to simplify things, but I refuse to sacrifice my family and my sanity on it's alter. And I will remind myself that I said this again first thing tomorrow morning! :) Blessings, Debbie

Anonymous said...

Just read this on another blog!
Amber in Kentucky


"View your pressures no longer as burdens but as a platform for His glorious sufficiency.”

Clarence W Jones

Patty said...

Everyone, whether they have one child or several, goes through days where nothing seems “right”. Routine “hum-drum” days or “crazy” days do not last long, just take a deep breath and keep going.

Yesterday my morning began just as I had planned; staying home, doing laundry, school work and sewing. Then out of the blue a phone call had me in the car rushing to the emergency room where I watched my husband lay in pain because he cut part of his finger off.

As I was driving to the hospital I was thinking about all the routine days where I “wished” I had something different to do and how nice it would have been to be in a routine day instead of heading to the hospital.

Today, during home school playtime, I shared with friends some of the fun times I had schooling my son when he was young; he is now a college man. Not once did I think about my “crazy” days with him. We had our share of “crazy” days where I questioned if I was a good mother; where I questioned if I should home school....now the good overshadows the “crazy”.

It’s so hard to focus on the good and the positive when everything is “crazy” but as long as you “do the next thing” you will get through it.

Do you know the song “One Day at a Time” by Cristy Lane?

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Debra said...

Monica - I could have written that post. I think we all have these days (or weeks). Writing helps. Don't beat yourself up, you have a lot of gifts to share.

Have a good weekend.

Amy said...

Just...Thank You! :)

Mom said...

"Jesus Calling" -- what a blessing that little book has been to me and how frequently the day's reading applies so perfectly as you discovered again today.

Sometimes when I read of your struggles to get through a day with some semblance of sanity, I am instantly transported back in time when I was a stay-at-home mom with young children, a mushy brain, and a messy house. There were days when I thought I'd never make it!

How lovely of your new friend to give you a CD of music that you are being blessed by -- music is so powerful! And the attitude of gratitude that you are so good at is a great antidote for the insanity --

Thinking of you with love and prayers, Mom

Chrissy said...

In lieu of any wisdom, since I am right there with you, I am sending a big hug and many prayers for your peace.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. That, in itself, is a huge encouragement, knowing that we all have those days.

silly lilly's said...

Monica,
Thanks for sharing so candidly. I enjoy reading your blog and am regularly inspired and encouraged. Now let me encourage you. I've been reading lately the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanne Weaver. I feel many days as if my heart is just where yours is, I also have 3 little ones and homeschool. Jesus tells Martha in Luke, "Martha, you are worried about many things, but only one thing is needed."
Let's focus on that one thing, Monica! Let's worship at the feet of Jesus in the midst of our day. Let's come to him with our struggles through prayer, even if it's in the midst of putting in a load of laundry!
Praying for you today!

Jason and Danielle said...

as always I enjoy your random thoughts and they always give me much to think about

Grace said...

Hi Sweet Friend!!
I wish the comments had a Like button like on Facebook. I like so many of them. Be encouraged!! I love you
Grace

Ami said...

This book sounds exactly like what I need for a wake-up call. I try so hard. I get frustrated and say, "But I try so hard!" I always think, say and feel how I'm just trying so hard. Somehow it doesn't feel quite right for a life truly and deeply in love with Jesus, but what else to do?

I don't give up on this thought, the thought that I should give it all up to God and rest in him. You know, I try so hard to do just that!

Ami