When my brain feels like mush and my hands smell like poop (don't ask) and my house is a mess (yes, my counters are a mess again) and my heart is a wreck - how can I put any sensible thoughts together? And, in a similar way - how can I not at least try?
This may not make sense to anyone but me ~ but as Ann Voskamp so lovingly and rightly says: a blog post helps two people. First, the one who writes it and then the one who reads it. Today, if it helps even the one who writes it - I will consider it a success.
Morning began with Jesus Calling today. It has been too many days since I've consistently picked this up and been moved. So many failures, so many opportunities to try again. This jumped out at me while reading:
"You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all."
Oh. my. Yes - that is exactly where I'm at. I read through this and pray to live it out, to look for beauty in my day just as it comes not as I wish it was.
I move through the morning and am thankful for wheat and for the nourishment it will provide my family. For a washer to clean up messes so quickly and easily. For blooms and beauty and canning jars. I love gray days, but the sun is shining for the first time all week today and it is beautiful!
And, then it seems everyone else is against me. Why am I so prone to fall to stress? To give in to frustration? To let that edge creep back into my voice? As this day began so predictably and so faithfully as it does every day - so, I have failed again.
Quiet Time is now upon me and it is really not very quiet. Doesn't anyone else but me understand why Quiet Time is so important? Why don't they understand that slamming the front door and coming to chat and wanting to do chores (only during this time) is not the goal and isn't particularly helpful?
And, my heart is still a wreck and I know I have messed everything up again today. And, I also read this this morning. Now I'm wondering what my dream is - can I even remember? Have I squelched these thoughts so long that I may have buried them?
Ok, moving on from all these things - here is a little more random:
I pre-ordered Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life today. I know it will be so good and when Nester said that pre-ordering a book is like sending yourself a gift in the future, that made me smile! If you can't figure out why this book will be so good - please re-read all of the above and you'll see how this title fits me and my tendencies.
God has given me a new friend and that is a blessing in and of itself. We both love Rita Springer and she gave me a cd mix of music that I am just loving. I've had it on repeat for about three days straight and the words and music are ministering and blessing me. Mmmm, hoping those words will seep in and sink deep. I'm making cinnamon rolls to grace her table tomorrow morning. And, looking forward to chatting over hot drinks and homemade yumminess!
A sweet friend from church gave me a very old and very cool quilt! Ideas are brewing and I'm itching to get started! It is really only good for cutting up as it is falling apart in places - but way too neat to let go of totally!
Sitting in my Peace Retreat for a few moments to write this has indeed lifted my spirits and quieted my heart. Ann just reposted this today - how timely!
Thanks for reading these crazy ramblings, friends - have a great weekend!