Wednesday, February 16, 2011

To See Like My Savior: A Process


Yesterday morning (written last week), I found myself living out all of these words I've already shared. Literally. And, I realize this process of making an appointment, keeping it, having the exam and hearing the diagnosis will be a cycle that will last my whole life. I'll always need visits with my Heavenly Optometrist.

We had made an eye appointment for Samuel with a local ophthalmologist. (I know that looks mis-spelled, but trust me it is right. I've spelled it so many times the last few days that I learned how to spell it to quit seeing the red line under it!)

I was right in the middle of the vulnerability of the exam. The dr. was looking closely at his eyes, observing and asking questions but never giving one hint of anything. For an hour, I watched him try different scenarios, dilate Samuel's eyes, etc... and the whole time I am wondering if he is going to tell me I am crazy that nothing was there.

We took Samuel in because we noticed his right eye tended to wander towards the bridge of his nose. With family history of a lazy eye, glasses, contacts, laser surgery, etc... we felt that this was worth checking into.

After the hour, the dr. said he agreed with us that he saw something there. And, it was not the more common (code for easier to fix) situation but possibly more complex. So, we got a referral to a Pediatric Ophthalmologist in a bigger city where we will take him next month.

All of this hit me hard initially. Eyes are not something I want to mess with. And, I had no idea when God gave this word see, that it would come to mean something so literal to me.

As we left and I squeezed this little guy a little tighter for how good he'd been through all of the exam process, I was feeling vulnerable and scared. I got everyone in the car to head home and as I turned on the car - we heard the Go Fish music we'd had on. (I could not find a video of the song - but you can hear part of it here.)

Driving out of the parking lot and turning back onto the road - I heard a phrase,

"I need Your help to make my vision 20/20"

As preoccupied as I was, only God could've allowed me to hear just that phrase at that moment. So, I instantly became more in tune to the rest of the song, especially the chorus:

I wanna be the way that You want me to be
I wanna hear You say that You’re so proud of me
I wanna do the things that You want me to do
Oh Lord, I wanna be just like You

That puts it into a bit more perspective, doesn't it! No matter what, I want to be who He wants me to be and I want that for Samuel too. Even if his vision is not 20/20 - I do want him to be one who pleases God. And, I started to just feel thankful that Samuel can see. And, thankful that I can see him and enjoy having him as part of our family.

And, the journey of seeing continues...

11 comments:

Crystal said...

Very nice post. I just love reading your blog every morning. Praying for your sons eyes.

Michele said...

My sister in law is a pediatric ophthalmologic assistant in Atlanta. If you have any questions, I'm more than happy to ask them for you. I'll be visiting her next week.

*carrie* said...

I know that song--cool timing!

Hope you're feeling better. Have fun with Grace!

Katie said...

Will be praying for sweet Samuel to receive the greatest care under the Lord's direction. My brother had "lazy eye" and also had that corrected as a very little boy.

You know, I just love how creative our Lord is! The more I learn about Him in His Word and hear testimonies of what He's done in others lives, the more I am in awe of Him!!! I know He is the Father of creativity because just look at all these creative individuals just in the blogosphere alone ~ and all were made in His image! :-)

I love Go Fish! They are originally from my old neck of the woods and I remember listening to them on local radio stations before they became nationally known. Their music and love for the Lord is *infectious*!

peggy said...

It's very good you took your son early on. We will all pray it is quickly taken care of.
We are making dinner for a shelter-church tonight and I printed off your eye chart to take one for them. I hope that is ok, I think they will love having it. Thank you.

Mary Ann said...

Praying for Samuel, Monica!

angie said...

I immediately thought of the children's song..."be careful little eyes what you see..for the Father up above is looking down in love..."
Rest assured that God is directing your path in caring for Samuel's vision.

Mom said...

Dear Monica,
The day you took Samuel to the eye doctor, Dad and I had talked about the appropriateness of your word for this year. :) How thankful we are that God is in control -- He made Samuel's eyes and knows exactly what will happen. We are thankful that Samuel was such a little trooper during the examination. :) We are praying for wisdom for the doctor, peace for you and David, and for successful treatment. Love to all, Mom

Amy said...

God works in awesome ways- the timing of that song just a testimony to that truth! Our little girl (now 6) has had bifocals since she turned 2 for a similar problem. She had eye muscle surgery at 2 1/2. God is good and has provided a wonderful doctor to care for her and though she still wears bifocals (because the eyes cross severly and her vision is unclear and sees double without them). Just wait- if he gets glasses EVERYONE will comment on how cute such a little one looks in glasses. Mine still get compliments and is proud. Praying that all of his treatments are successful- rest in the confidence of HIS love for you and your son. God bless.

Crystal said...

Our little guy (now 5) had to get glasses for his turned in eye when he was almost 2. We had to take him into the local surgery center and be sedated because he wouldn't cooperate with the eye Dr. His problems are all vision and not a muscle problem. Great job at catching it early, Monica! He will be so cute with his glasses!

Jenny's Heart said...

Monica, thank you for helping me See.