So, I've tweaked the original content and am sharing it with a smile and a thankful heart now. The pictures are unrelated to the story - just inserting visual beauty and peace.
Thinking back ........
I've recently been pursuing an educational opportunity for our children. It's God-honoring and homeschool-friendly.
We visited a not-near-enough group and Emily thanked me for taking her before we'd even left, and thanked me several times after that. And, she enjoyed it while I was amazed at all that four and five year olds knew that I've NEVER known or heard of!
Shortly after, David and I began to talk and pray about possibly starting a group here where we live. We prayed separately about it and together. I began filling out the paperwork.
After all of that, we went out to dinner just the two of us and talked over his thoughts and agreed that God could really use this in our children's lives as well as our own. We both want our children to be as equipped as possible at communicating God's truth to those around them and love the Biblical worldview and we felt this was a big focus of this opportunity.
So, I thought I was ready to send my application in. But, I was still just wanting to really confirm that God wanted me to do that. The idea came to seek confirmation through His Word and not wanting to choose a passage that I thought would say a certain thing I wanted it to say - I wondered where to begin.
During my morning exercise time, it came to mind to read the Proverb of the day. It was the 8th, so I read Proverbs 8. Even the title of the Proverb jumped out at me in confirmation ("Wisdom's Call") - and then as it proceeded to talk about the value of knowledge and pursuing wisdom above riches. And, further - about sharing this wisdom and knowledge with others. Those things were a blessing to me as I knew how compatible they were with what we'd been praying about.
With that confirmation, I sent my initial e-mail of interest. I heard back very quickly with excitement at a new group beginning and the mention of a training scheduled for Saturday if I could make it.
After praying that God would make His will continually known through open or closed doors - these were FLYING open!
On Tuesday, we decided that I would go that Saturday. The next few days were very difficult for me. I fought terrible fears, felt physically ill and knew that through all of this was going on a serious spiritual battle. After all, why would anyone who opposes God want me to do anything like this?
Of course, there were times that I doubted I was doing the right thing. I spent all week reading God's Word and praying. I prayed that if He did not want me to go - that it would be impossible for me to go in one way or another.
But Friday morning arrived, and by now - I am convinced this is spiritual warfare and determined to do what I know is right. I know I need to go. First of all, if God does want me to lead a group - I need the training. And, if He does not - I won't find out if I don't go.
Thursday night, David and I watched Facing the Giants - a perfect choice for me in looking to God in the face of fear.
Friday is a struggle - I'm not feeling well, having a hard time eating, still struggling with fears and trusting God moment by moment to show His will. I get everything packed up and ready a few minutes early, we pray together and I am on my way.
As I am leaving - I feel like I'm being called away to be with God this weekend. For sure in my time in the car. I begin with prayer and listening to some worshipful music, I listen to the Bible, I pray.
About one third of the way there - it starts to rain hard. I'm wondering if it is even worth continuing on. But, after driving another 45 minutes or so, I'm now halfway. It's dark, traffic is moving slow, the visibility is limited and I'm really hungry and fighting fear.
I start praying to find a Chick-Fil-A. I don't really like going places in the dark, so I wanted somewhere that would be a friendly place not only to me but in my faith - and a place that honors God. I was so thrilled to see the sign for the exit to the Chick-Fil-A! It was way after I wanted to find it in terms of hunger, but God provided it in His time.
I had been gripping the steering wheel because of the rain, oh it felt so good to get out of the car for a bit! I took my Bible in and was relieved to just sit and be still for a few minutes. I was reading in 1 Samuel about David and Goliath - David facing scary Goliath with trust in God!!
While I was sitting there, I thought I heard a group on the overhead music that sounded like Point of Grace. I didn't focus on it too much - but sort of tuned it out until I heard the words:
"I want to live with a fearless heart..."
To be continued tomorrow...