I spent the weekend in Albuquerque and it was apparent to me pretty early on that this was not a good fit either. I was disappointed mostly for hurting his feelings - but I had to be true to myself and what God was laying on my heart.
I came home and took my name out of the database for about a month. I just needed to pull back and refocus for a bit.
Sometime in February of 2003, I activated my account again. On the morning of February 20, 2003 I wrote in my journal,
"This week it has been easy to lose courage and hope. It has been hard to trust that God is hearing my prayers especially regarding you. But, here is a verse I'm meditating on - I have prayed it, read it, and have it up on my computer at work -
Psalm 37:7a, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..."
This has been a challenge and a promise this week! I continue to pray for you! I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be ready to be the wife you need and want and the woman God wants me to be. I have such a long way to go - but being dependent on Him is where He wants me. May my life and love bring Him glory!"
Oh, I forgot to mention that another rule I had for myself was not to use my computer at work for any of this. I wanted to be above reproach in the use of my time and their resources and I did not have a computer at home either. So, I usually reserved a computer at the library a couple of times a week.
February 20, 2003 was a day that I had a computer reserved over lunch time. And, David was one of my matches that day. We began working through the initial stages that their website requires you to go through before e-mailing openly.
Very early on, we decided to take some time to really seek God separately about continuing with getting to know one another. We prayed, fasted, sought God's Word. Psalm 126 was particularly meaningful to me during this time.
And, we continued e-mailing and then talking on the phone. A few months later, he decided to come to Colorado for a visit. He stayed at my parents house and we spent a few days getting to know each other in person.
The thing I will never forget about that visit was that I was able to be myself around David. This was huge for me as I had always struggled with being myself around men in general.
About six weeks after that I came to South Carolina for a visit and stayed with his parents. I was praying that God would make His will known. So far, He had been saying yes to this and we were so very like-minded.
I was not expecting to get engaged during that visit - but I did. I had been praying particularly on June 20, 2003 that God would help me to know what His will was and that was the day that David proposed. I had peace about it which was another great encouragement that this was from God.
To be continued ...